Thursday, October 11, 2012

Day 19: Magic Bullet Through the Heart

I'm embarassed to admit that I'm one of the millions of people that have been looking for a "magic bullet" to help me with my weight loss for years.  I've been a Weight Watcher (on and off) since I was eighteen.  Since then I've tried South Beach, Eat Right 4 Your Blood Type, SlimFast, and a plethora of other self-created diets that I've tried and failed at through the years.  I was hoping that I would look at Paleo differently, and that (because I'm so old and wise) I would be able to focus on the health benefits that aren't related to the scale, but I can't.

I'm obsessed with the fact that my weight loss has stopped and in fact, begun to reverse.  It's not because I'm vain and insistent that to be healthy and beautiful means I have to be a size six...okay, it's not entirely because I'm vain and insistent that to be healthy and beautiful means I have to be a size six.  The real and most important reason that I'm anxious to lose weight is so that I can begin to start trying.  As in, trying to get pregnant.  Yeah.  Kind of a big deal.

Tonight, after many tears I decided to push back my "start date" once again.  A year ago I thought that I would start this summer.  This year I said that I would start in January.  And now, my husband and I our setting our sites on June of next year. Luckily for me, I have a hubby who is patient and kind and wants me to be as happy and healthy as possible before I let a little one set up shop in my uterus. I'm incredibly disappointed at myself, but equally hopeful that my time will come.

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